MASTERSPARTACUS 2008-02-26 21:40:20

suck it

JoyPig1990 2008-02-28 11:59:42

"You seem to not understand the fucking concept of PERSPECTIVE, that causes the sentences to flow that way. Also, I mentioned later he received INJECTIONS that would, effectively, prevent all form of growth.

If you would read the next damn chapters, everything would make sense."

No, you seem to not understand the concept of perspective. I have read plenty of stories with a trippy perspective like this one, and none of them are as bad as this. Your sentences are choppy and you repeat the same thing over and over. And if it was the injections keeping him youthful, why did you throw in the completely useless detail that his castration was stopping his growth? Why don't you plan out your story before you write it, instead of simply coming up with it as you go along?

P.S.
Keep responding to my posts. I love owning your fairy ass.

The-Great-One 2008-03-01 21:16:09

Very nice. I do enjoy this, but one error if I may point out...

wread should be read. other than that it's not half bad.

BOWI 2008-04-18 19:10:40

Wait! You got to stay in school. If you don't like school, you don't have to go to university, but learn something like plumber, or electrician, I don't know... Anyway... Life in this world sucks if you don't have a diploma AND experience.

lostanddamned 2008-07-09 00:27:52

lol, this story sucks ass,
way too much detail, why not tell us when he takes a shit while your at it.

joeyslang 2008-08-24 19:38:50

Nice story. I read some of your comments and I have to say, your ability to use an online dictionary and thesaurus astounds me.

greatolded 2008-10-19 08:06:26

I hope you die

ZaSaikoNinja 2008-12-17 10:50:48

Uuuuhm. Well.

It makes me want to rip your head off and shit down your neck by seeing how arrogant you are and how smart-ass youre trying to act when people either spill a swearing frenzy on you or point out truly retarted flaws. But from some point,'cmon - He's just 14(Am I right?),you can't expect anything TRULY EXCELLENT from him,no matter how much previous "sick,twisted,perverted,gory etc. etc." stuff he has written before.

But seriously dude,your arrogancy makes my asscrack bleed. You obviously need to understand that your Hallways has some major flaws but I still haven't lost all hope in you. Who knows maybe in the far future youre gonna be a successful writer. *shrug*

Overbite 2009-03-28 10:53:51

Of course you need to improve, but you appear to have far more potential in writing novels than in flash animation